Review: Crotch Guard

Getting ready for another Ironman race. Training has not started, but that doesn’t stop me from testing products to make the journey smoother, more comfortable, less painful. Here’s one I’ll share, and hopefully the insight will help other cyclist and swimmers too.

Crotch Guard reviewYes, Crotch Guard first got my attention because of its naughty-sounding name. But funny enough I couldn’t stop calling it “Scotch Guard”.  Okay, so what.

Knowing it protects a special body part, I researched on and while reading their product description I almost tossed it aside. Their silly branding department said the product surrounds and strengthens cellular membranes just like cement mortar surrounds and strengthens bricks in a brick wall.

Seriously … underneath my Ironman medals is a girl, a girly-girl who doesn’t want any product around my little hot mama that acts like cement mortar in a brick wall.

Still, will I let a branding department that does not understand the woman’s perspective keep me from trying a product that could make riding smoother and eliminate chaffing??? Heck No.

At first glance I liked how a 4oz spray bottle applied the oil, and how the bottle did not take up much space. It sprayed out like a mist, much cleaner then a cream. I liked how the oil’s smooth, un-greasiness glided my skin with the chamios when getting in and out of the saddle.   Love how it did not cause chaffing or a rash.

Everything on paper made me want to love this product.

  • Hypo-Allergenic
  • Anti-Bacterial
  • Absorbs Quickly & Completely
  • Does NOT contain Chemical Dyes
  • Does NOT contain Fragrance
  • Does NOT contain Preservatives

At this point you might guess I’m not 100% sold.  Well yes and no.  Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment … but after a few rides I wanted the oil to feel like a cream. At least with cream I know when an application is needed; basically most creams are ineffective after riding 50 miles. With Crotch Guard I could not tell the difference between physical discomfort and product ineffectiveness. They can be two completely different things, one not caused by the other.  This might sound weird, but with a cream I can tell the difference between the two. And usually after reapplying cream some discomfort goes away.

Plus, Crotch Guard was cumbersome if a ride started from a destination spot with friends and no bathroom.  In that situation I had to sit in a car, spray it on my hand, and spread it around. Or while sitting down pull open the shorts and spray on the oil.  That is difficult to do.  So to get it right you have to take off your shorts and then spray yourself.  And with limited privacy using Crotch Guard in that situation gives ladies a new meaning, a double meaning, to protecting their little hot mama.

Compare that to applying cream.  You stand behind a car, put a squirt on the hand, put the hand down the shorts and rub it around.  For those who think the process is the same, from a girls point of view they are not.  There’s a difference between rubbing yourself and dropping your shorts and rubbing yourself. One requires full cover protection.

One more thought. Cream is easy to store; put it in a snack-size bag and squished inside a food pouch or pocket. That can’t be done with a spray bottle. It is not flexible, and if riding 50+ miles it takes up needed food space.

With that said, I have to share one unexpected surprise where I LOVE Crotch Guard.  The oil practically eliminates chaffing when swimming, making movement smooth under swim straps and near the armpits.  Plus it makes pulling on and off a wet suit smooth. And it is easy to store in the swim bag.

Do I recommend Crotch Guard?  Yes.
Is it a go to product in my gym bag?  Yes, when I’m swimming but not for every ride.

Always Tri.  Never Stop.
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