Not sure why this is hitting me now, but recently I realized that I never mourned the loss of being raped, and now I’m going through its stages: denial, anger, depression, acceptance. Negotiation is also a mourning stage, but it passed by for I know it futile.
There’s a fire in my belly unlike one’s I’ve felt before. Foremost I’m angry at me for not taking responsibility for my life sooner and enabling wasted time and energy. That anger trickled to being angry at injustice, whether it is local, regional, national, international. I’m angry at ISIS, at the Germanwing pilot, at police for shooting innocent people, and at all who manipulate people. What happened to respect for life?
I’m angry at fate for giving a good friend Parkinson’s. Why? And at the woman who felt a need to post menstruation pictures on Instagram. Where is her decency?
All is not lost – that I know. I love working with Build It Workspace. a local company that provides space for people like me who have a creative need to build something. It was so nice to see local and national news outlets feature their positive efforts to build a 3D prosthetic hand for a 7 year-old girl.
I love working with TNG Real Estate, and am thankful the Broker Craig Martin who hired me to manage their community outreach efforts, which include helping homeless women and children, recycling and bringing awareness to local artist. The work provides food for the soul.
And after each keynote speech the audience empowers me by sharing their courageous stories.
It’s ironic that I’m angry during the Easter season for this is my favorite time of year. It’s beautiful to see blooming spring flowers. The holiday traditions and memory of Jesus’ resurrection brings joy. Still, maybe it’s apropos to mourn during holy week. After all, we also celebrate a loss of life.
All I know is that I’m tired of mourning, and thankful with going into the acceptance stage. So I’ll work to embrace the only things I can control – the things that go into my mind, mouth, spirit. And in honor of my Dad, I’ll keep in mind an Irish saying, “Don’t buy a drunk a drink.” In other words, let’s not add to the world’s problems.
Peace to you.